I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
