when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
