My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
