if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
