I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
