You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
