If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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