everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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