I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
