Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
