I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize