What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
