I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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