He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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