Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sex in a hospital.. check
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
