I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there's paper in my vomit.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
