Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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