i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
