so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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