my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
