I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
bring money and cleavage
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The power of my boobs compel you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
