Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
