we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
