Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we made out on top of his cat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
