i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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