Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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