I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
