I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
