I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
