I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
