She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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