We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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