just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
