Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
