just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
