just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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