If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
