The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
