My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
