It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
