And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
"it" just moved
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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