i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize