Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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