my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
