What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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