Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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