Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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