You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize