She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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