It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
