Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
