Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
