We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
