we're blogging at a bar
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
