sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
