good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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