i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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