the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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