I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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