Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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