I wish I could punch you in the face.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
