I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
