Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
