Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize