Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
