fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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