Will you blow on my dice?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize