Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize