We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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