Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
