You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
