I'm sorry my penis didn't work
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize