member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
