I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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