I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
